The Struggle

As our first year of homeschooling ends, I can’t help but feel like a failure. I didn’t complete all of the things that I wanted to do, I have library books that are about 3 months late, and I haven’t even registered my daughters for standardized testing.

Today marks an extremely difficult day for me. With problems of my own, my 14 year old writes a list of pros and cons and begs me to consider her returning to public school. She wants a prom. She wants daily interaction with her friends. I can understand these things but I’m torn. She also included that one of my friends and my sister agreed with her decision to return to public school life. (Side note: I don’t know how much they “agreed” with her… most likely it was “you need to discuss that with your Mama)

This first year has been full of tears for me. My oldest hates math and that brought a constant arguement. It’s been a daily struggle to find our groove. I realize I’m not the only mom that struggles with homeschooling but, it makes it extremely hard when you check Facebook and see the other homeschooled kids with their big, huge smiles seemingly enjoying their morning geometry lesson. I remind myself daily that Facebook is like the rest of the internet, photoshopped and staged at times.

She has cried and begged. She’s asked me to pray and she’s praying… I assume she’s praying for God to change my mind. At 14 it upsets me with her too. She’s old enough to understand that she’s still young enough to have to listen to us. She’s old enough to trust me, but she doesn’t.

I guess the most heartbreaking part of this all is that GOD chose this path for our family. I did not. So when people question our choice to homeschool, it’s extremely disheartening. In fact, it usually leaves me in tears. My life would be so much easier if I didn’t homeschoool. My house would be clean throughout the day. I could get dinner on the table at a decent hour. I could even read a book. But God didn’t care about dinner at 6:00 p.m. He doesn’t care about my house being dirty. HE gave ME clear instructions.

What could be wrong with Christians today that they could easily question God’s plan for someone? As I sat in my yard crying, I thought ‘No one questions a preacher when he says God called him to preach.’ No one questions someone who adopts a child after God calls them. No one questions the person taking care of an elderly neighbor or donating money to the church when called by God. But my decision to homeschool my girls is constantly scrutinized by Christians.

What if took my kids and enrolled them in school next week? Some people would be tickled. I wouldn’t be weird any more. My 14 yr old would be extremely happy. But what about God? What would He say? Am I really supposed to tell Him that the path He has chosen for this family is stupid because others believe it is? Do I tell Him the struggle is just too much?

Today I just want to cave to the pressure and send them back to school. I want to just ask Him for forgiveness for my disobiendence. I want to quit arguing with her, quit having to explain myself. I guess I want it to be too easy.

Sorry for all of the typos… the iPad seems to have a mind of it’s own.

If you have any suggestions on how to make a 14 year old love the idea of homeschooling, please let me know.


2 Responses to “The Struggle”

  1. Katherine says:

    I don’t have a 14 yr old, though my 10 yr old twin girls might like to think they are sometimes. lol My encouragement to you is to stay on your knees. About her heart, about your discouragement (we have ALL been there), about the Lord’s leading. Homeschooling IS a calling, and it’s not for everyone, so we shouldn’t be surprised when we are questioned and challenged. God’s ways are not our ways! My suggestion to how to deal with the doubting Thomases of the world (or of the family) is to tell them that HSing is what God has called you to do, and (maybe not in these words) if they have an issue with it, take it up with God. ;) (Hugs)

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